I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i've created a new STD.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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