I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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