I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im six kinds of drunk right now
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
