so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My nipple is on Facebook.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish my penis had a tongue
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
