I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
