If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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