mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
