Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
