So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
