you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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