Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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