Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
