MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
