Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
