do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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