I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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