My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
