Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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