just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
