New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
