Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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