smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
