it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
