I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
