so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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