And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
