he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
