i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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