The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
