Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
