i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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