Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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