he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
