The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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