we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
