you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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