On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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