Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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