I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
