when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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