she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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