it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I checked into jail on foursquare
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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