Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
