I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
