the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
