his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
