we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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