I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
