So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
