i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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