The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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