I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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