it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
